Restore the Joy

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners shall be converted to You (Psalm 51:12-13).

At some point in the last couple of months, I lost my joy. It was a very hard discovery for me. I have spent a lot of time reflecting how it happened. I have been to 2 Women's Retreats, read countless devotionals,gone to bible studies, done bible studies on my own, prayed and prayed and prayed and no joy. My heart has been so hardened and I couldn't figure it out. I have come to the point in my spiritual journey where I have just enough Jesus to be miserable. Have you been there? I have seen the other side, so to speak, where the abundance is and my heart aches for it. Now with Christmas around the corner, it occurred to me that I spend a lot of time pointing other people to Christ but am I there at His feet in gratitude for everything He has given me or do I take it for granted? Do I take for granted what He suffered for my sake, that I don't for one minute deserve a fraction of the grace I have been shown not only by Him but by wonderful people in my life? Do I show that grace to anyone? I just know that regardless of anything my redeemer lives and so although, I may not hear His voice clearly right now, it is to me to persevere and keep listening. I will praise Him regardless of how I feel.